Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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