Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
