just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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