I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
