its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
