just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
