my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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