somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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