i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
