its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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