I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
