this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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