i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
