I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
