Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
