david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
