need another drink. this is the easiest way
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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