So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
