You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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