The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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