escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
