I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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