Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize