Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
