Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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