Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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