you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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