dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
