They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
