My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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