absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
