Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
