If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
