the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
