goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
