i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
