Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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