I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
