All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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