We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
