I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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