nut hugger
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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