I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
