What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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