Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize