Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
