Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
