I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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