South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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