Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
