I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
