do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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