I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
