the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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