Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
