I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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