Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
they need to just BURY HIM!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize