4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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