I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
