i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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