he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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