I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Porn is love you can see.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
