Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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