look no pants
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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