When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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