He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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