I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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