You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize