I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
